Memorial Day is an American holiday. We take time to remember those who said, yes when asked to #serve in the military. That three-letter word changed the trajectory of their lives. Their commitment to protecting our country from enemies foreign and domestic started a clock ticking. They just didn’t know how much time was on the clock.
Our #service men and women said yes when others said no or didn’t bother to even consider the option. Those who signed up or went when drafted, served above the politics and rhetoric around the military.
Today we #honor those who went and didn’t come home. Those whose last goodbye to a loved one, was their last embrace with that person. Today we pray for the person they left behind whose heart still aches.
Yes, we all love to have three-day weekends. This one is at the expense of many. The least we can do before the first grill is fired up, or the plunge into the pool, is to stop, remember, and pray.
All the best,
KK
Let’s connect. If you haven’t already, please choose to follow KK’s Candor. To stay in touch with my writing adventures you can find me on social media.
Who are you? Maggie Nelson, the main character, in my debut novel, Curtains for Maggie, feels like she’s lost herself; her identity. She married Dan, her college sweetheart, and they have two children. She decided with Dan when their first child was born to be a stay-at-home mom. A few years later their second child came along. Those early years were filled with the fun and challenges of having a baby and a toddler. Maggie loves being a mom. But when the book begins, the kids are in school, Dan is working his way up the corporate ladder, and Maggie is feeling #restless.
She asks the question, who am I when the kids are in school and Dan’s at work? Who am I when I’m not being a wife and a mother? The roles we play in life. The roles we love. But, what about continuing to cultivate something that is your own. Something outside of the roles we take on. Maggie once loved acting. She shared this love of the theater with her father. In the midst of feeling restless, she comes across a flyer for auditions at the Oakdale Community Theater.
The flyer pokes at her restless heart. We all have those seasons in life when we feel a little off. I hope you’ll check out Curtains for Maggie. You’ll journey with her and her two friends, Jen and Nora, as they each explore new options for their lives.
Let me know what you think, or drop a review on Amazon.
All the best,
KK
Let’s connect. If you haven’t already, please choose to follow KK’s Candor. To stay in touch with my writing adventures you can find me on social media. #Novel #Viral
It is easy to have such planned lives that we miss the hours or days that are in the present. I found myself guilty of this today when I asked my son if he wanted to go to a Louisville Bats game with us on June 3. June 3rd! It’s still April. What about May?
There are a lot of important things happening in May. There’s Derby Day for those of us here in #Kentucky and of course #MothersDay. Can’t let that slip away. Besides the holiday, it’s important to embrace each day. Live in the present. What special something, unusual encounter, or unplanned blessing will be missed if we’re busy looking forward to something else? One thing I like to do is sit out on our porch. Just sit. No phone or device of any kind. Be still. Within a few minutes, I notice something in the yard, a rabbit, or birds playing in the bird bath. Those few minutes change my spirit. They have an impact on the rest of the day.
I’ve probably written about this attitude before, but overlooking the “now” for the “coming soon” hit hard today. While I’m looking forward to June — a night at the baseball field, my book release, a family gathering, and vacation — I’m also thankful for completing a normal week of work, and a quiet Friday night at home with my husband.
What about you? Did any unexpected #blessings catch you while you were planning something else?
All the best,
KK
Let’s connect. If you haven’t already, please choose to follow KK’s Candor. To stay in touch with my writing adventures you can find me on social media.
Like many others, I began a #diet journey in #January. I committed to using the Weight Watchers app. The wonderful part of the app is that when I exercise, it gives me additional points for the week. I’m getting #credit for my good choices. But when my son is headed to Graeter’s Ice Cream parlor and asks if I want something, and I say “No, thank you,” I want credit for it! By the way the “no, thank you” comes after a three-minute internal argument and justification with myself. “Well if I use my points this way, or I only get the mini cone, I’m only using this many points.” The struggle is real.
Then there are the times when I’m home alone. I’m working upstairs as far from the pantry as possible and still be inside the house, and the Oreos call out. “My precious, creamy cookie…” Or I open the pantry for a healthy snack like granola or nuts, and there they are eye-level. I want credit for not snagging the package and scurrying up to my office to devour them.
But I don’t. Most of the time. In full disclosure, I did scan the package and found out I could have two #cookies for five points. I get 23 points in a day and another 21 points to use over the course of a week. Ok, so I’m getting to the end of the week, I’ve already done my weigh-in, so why not enjoy two Oreo cookies?
Could you eat just two? It’s a slippery slope. Self-discipline has to be rock solid. There’s another opportunity for me to get credit — when I only eat two cookies AND when I do have the third one, I don’t lie when I report it on the app.
What are your thoughts on the matter of credit and #fairness when no one is looking? Kinda makes you think about the true character of an individual. But that’s a post for another day.
Is it a #dream or a #goal? I’ve wanted to write a book and have it published for as long as I can remember. It started as a dream, but when I got serious about #writing and learning the craft, it became a goal. Writing workshops, critique groups, editing, and a lot of rewriting. Last June I pitched the book to Elk Lake Publishing. They requested a proposal, and about a month later they offered me a contract! WooHoo! That began my journey toward publication.
You are now a very important part of that journey. Below is the cover of Curtains for Maggie, my debut novel! Check it out and let me know what you think.
Back Cover
Maggie Nelson lost her identity. Nora St. Claire lost her husband. And Jen Stephens lost her job—sort of. The three friends from college, now in their forties, rediscover a special part of themselves that time and relationships have stolen.
To rediscover who she is, Maggie revisits a passion from her past. Something that was her own—acting. With this, her family begins a season of their orderly, planned, and scheduled lives becoming not so orderly. How can Maggie regain her identity without losing her husband?
Nora is an interior designer whose husband was killed in the line of duty. After years of mourning, she is ready to rebuild her life. Her career launches when she wins over a difficult client for the firm. And in her social life, she finds herself volunteering alongside a man who sparks her interest. Work, friends, dating—what will the design of her new life be?
Jen is a free-spirited personal trainer who never expected to find herself as an assistant manager at the gym. The role is a stretch, but it includes all the components of healthy living that she believes in. The rest she can learn. The transition has a few twists and turns Jen navigates well with the full support of her husband, and her two friends. And yet … is it the best fit for Jen?
Their path is messy, but isn’t that true about life? Along the way, each woman discovers that she is more precious than rubies. Even in her imperfection.
I know you can’t wait to read it. I promise you will be the first to know where to purchase a copy.
Happy New Year! I heard a radio personality talk about how far into the new year it’s appropriate to say Happy New Year. I think this first week, and this first post of #2023 lends itself to the greeting. Okay, on to other first-of-the-year stuff. Has anyone else already taken down their Christmas decorations? We have! I love having my house back. The calendar page has turned, or maybe we closed one calendar and started a new one. I love a fresh calendar – 365 days of possibilities and unknowns. Some good days and some bad; hopefully more of the former.
The first of the year often brings a new set of goals and plans. After two weeks of some time off work that ends with the pop of a new year, how do we go back to the daily routine and keep our minds fresh? It has to be an intentional renewal every day. We need to think of each day the same as we do at the beginning of the year – new possibilities and unknowns. Lamentations 3:22 – 23 (there’s a book of the Bible you don’t read often) tells us that God’s mercies are new each day. Why shouldn’t we adopt the same mindset? Each day is an opportunity to do a little better than the day before. Show yourself and others more grace and humility.
Write it down. Not just your #goals, but things you want to be intentional about. On my 2023 planner weekly page, I have a box called #Gratitude. It’s a blank box and reminds me to look for things to be thankful for. Even if I don’t write anything in it, just seeing the word, “Gratitude” is a reminder enough. Let’s talk about #goals. They should be written. To be sure we don’t get too far into January, I always have them written by the end of the first week.
Written goals are more likely to be completed. There are multiple ways to write, organize, and accomplish goals. Mine fall into three main categories: Spiritual, Financial, and Physical. There can be multiple goals for each, but be sure they are specific, measurable, and attainable. We tend to be very optimistic about what we can accomplish in an entire year, but we also tend to put off the action items we can do today, this week, or this month toward that goal. Don’t start efforts toward your goals all at once. Maybe add a timetable to allow for you to ramp up. Remember slow and steady (mostly steady) wins the race.
Mostly steady wins. Keep moving forward. If you have a big goal, break it down and take small steps toward the bigger goal. Weight loss and exercise are big areas goals are set in. Both can feel monumental. In both of these, remember small changes lead to bigger successes. I joined Weight Watchers to give me the accountability I need to lose some weight that I’ve gained over the last several years. I was doing well last Spring and Summer, but then I slowed down when it was harder to be outside and it was too cold to swim. It took years for me to slip into some bad eating habits, I’m not going to fix them in a day or week. Here I go, slow and steady.
I’ve heard it said that financial success is 80% behavior. I think that could be said for many of our goal categories. Self-discipline to not let distractions take us away from our goals is huge. So while you’re writing your goals, go ahead and include one or two actions you need to take to get started.
Let me encourage you to take some time this week to write down what you’d like to accomplish this year. Find a friend who has goals they are working toward. Accountability is important to accomplishing goals. And add a couple of steps to get started. Oh, and don’t try to start everything in January. Slow and steady. Small wins lead to big wins.
You can do this! As of this posting, you have 361 days, and 8,664 hours to complete your goals.
The thought of a first Christmas typically brings warm feelings and a smile. The first #Christmas you had a boyfriend to exchange gifts with. Your first married Christmas. A child’s first Christmas. The first Christmas in your first home. My siblings and I have now had two first Christmases. The first Christmas after losing a parent is empty. The first Christmas after losing your second parent is just sad. We are now the oldest generation. That’s just scary (yes, comic relief there).
Our mother passed into eternity in #March. We took care of the details and are still working on closing her affairs. But it’s impossible to pack away the hype that she brought to Christmas. Mom loved to cook, and loved to buy presents. Weeks before Christmas, she was buying baking supplies; sugar, eggs, flour, jars, and jars of peanut butter for fudge. While we all offered to bring food, she insisted on cooking; chicken and dumplings, beef tenderloin, shrimp cocktail, and orange dip (it’s a family recipe). Last year she couldn’t get out to shop, but she made sure her great-granddaughters got dolls and her great-grandsons got remote control cars. Don’t be misled, there was plenty of drama along the way. But we all got through it, and we made sure that Christmas was as close as possible to what mom wanted.
Each of us is navigating this first Christmas without mom carefully and gently. There have been plenty of tears. Some at random moments, like passing the doll aisle in Target and not needing to go down it. Or other times when making a menu for our sibling Christmas gathering and my husband asked if I wanted to attempt to make mom’s Waldorf salad. “No, not yet.” Just couldn’t do it this year.
To my readers who are having the same kind of first Christmas consider this a virtual outreach and empathetic connection to say, “I understand.” Be in the moment with your family and friends. Don’t let your grief overshadow the goodness you may have right next to you. And when you need to cry, take a minute and let the tears go. Those who love you will understand. The best way I can honor my mother is to be generous and enjoy good food, and my family. That is what I intend to do.
Identities are at an all-time high. We have an #identity we show in person, on our fun social media sites (Instagram, Tik-tok), and with our colleagues at work (LinkedIn). We also have identities thrust upon us by virtue of the family we are born or marry into — daughter, sister, aunt, sister-in-law (or the male version of these roles). Multiple identities can make it hard to just be ourselves. Carrying our identities around and remembering where and when it’s appropriate to bring them out is a lot to remember.
What about identities we go looking for because someone else has one you want? I recently attended a writing conference. There were over 300 writers at all parts of the writing journey and all levels of involvement of the organization producing the event. At check-in, we were given our name badge and a series of ribbons to add to our lanyard. While I typically don’t care to wear name tags, I found myself reading others’ ribbons and wanting ribbons like theirs. For example, after registering for the conference, but before attending, I signed a contract to publish my first novel. So, I didn’t have a “contract” ribbon. People should know this important detail about me! I’m an author. Give me my “author” ribbon! Let the people know who I am! Even writing this now, I’m shaking my head at myself. How silly of me. I know who I am. Most of the time I’m confident in that.
There was a pop-psych book published in the mid-1970’s entitled, Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Spoiler-alert – the answer to the question is that if I tell you who I am and you don’t like me, that’s all I have. So, are we afraid to really explore the question? Are we running around being who we think we need to be depending on the group we’re with? Are we putting up a front we think will impress others? Are we trying to change our identity because we don’t think we’ll be accepted? Well, yes and no.
It’s appropriate at work, to relate and communicate with your co-workers about all things work-related. There are polite before-meeting conversations about how your weekend was, but for the most part, it’s pretty serious talk. If you’re out with friends, it’s appropriate to be casual (goofy even) and talk about more fun things. Attending a funeral, it’s appropriate to be quiet and reserved out of respect. And if you’re at a writing conference, it’s appropriate to wear your ribbons proudly. As long as in all situations our language and behavior match our true identity and is a reflection of our heart.
Let me encourage you to not chase the identities of others because you want what they have. Be your wonderful self. You were made uniquely you; an individual with God-given talents and skills. Oh, as long as we’re talking about God’s role in your identity, remember you were created in His image. What! Yes, the creator of the universe, breathed life in you. With that breath, you were given a purpose. Don’t hide that precious identity you were given. Part of knowing your identity is finding that purpose. Seek and find — not just a game for kids. We play it our entire lives as we grow and learn about who we are. It keeps things interesting.
All the best,
KK
Let’s connect! You can find me on one of the platforms below.
Like many, we haven’t traveled on vacation for several years. This year has had lots of ups and downs. The downtimes left me only wanting a change of scenery. But when it came to the details and planning, we decided to keep it simple and stay home. A #staycation. We chose a Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday around our wedding anniversary. With the weekend, we had six days.
Much like a vacation, it took me about a day to really get into vacation mode. Alarms for getting up were turned off. We decided that we wouldn’t cook much, had several of our meals out, spent our days hanging around the pool, and not overplanning every day. We did play pickleball one day, went to a community theater production of Sound of Music, and enjoyed a hymn-sing at our church. As easy as it would have been to fill our time with projects around the house, we only chose a couple and moved them forward. On the day it rained, we ran errands and took care of a couple things.
Our days were comfortable and easy. We spent time in the pool, reading, talking, and laughing. At the end of our days, we climbed out of our saline pool, lotioned up from a solid dose of sunshine, enjoyed a good dinner, and then headed back home to curl up together. It was a delightful time. One I will cherish.
Unlike leaving for #vacation and coming home, there was no packing and no unpacking, and then repacking to come home, we just unplugged and shifted gears. Our change of pace and schedules thoroughly confused our dog, Eli. He didn’t know what to do with himself.
It was a great vacation, even if we didn’t go anywhere.
KK's Candor 